...wanting to believe is actually being there!
It's tough for many people to believe. Now I can see my cat chase a rat, bring it to me and expect me to praise her. I can believe that she has, indeed, accomplished something because I have the rat right there, often in my bed.
But believing something spiritual is a whole different animal. (had to keep with the cat motif) Believing that which is beyond our senses, which we cannot reach out and touch, something magical, even mystical, brings out the old wall builders within us. For starters, when it comes to believing the gospel and the grace which is Jesus Christ, we have no starting mechanism beyond the wooing of God. He, and only He, can begin the process because we simply aren't disposed to accepting Him. Our natural inclination is to run in the opposite direction. We don't need or want to surrender ourselves and allow someone else to drive the car, so to speak.
While some conversions into belief are sudden and momentary, I would suggest that many others are gradual and 'bumpy.' We stop ourselves just on the outer edges of crossing the line into belief. We just don't completely feel it. Therefore, we take a few steps backward and wait for inner confirmation.
I believe that God, in His wonderful way, has a starting point which we may be able to recognize and grab onto that will allow us to tear down some of those barriers. It is when we suddenly realize that deep within us we WANT to believe. We see our lives begin to change when we go to church, read the Bible, talk with those who are in Christ. We begin to notice that some of the things we observe are very positive to us to the point of wanting to be a believer.
The belief, after realizing that we want it, begins, by God's grace and the Holy Spirit, to grow. In my case, there was that moment, months after I began the journey, when I suddenly realized that the doubts had slipped away without my recognition and I did, in fact, believe whole-heartedly. I even searched myself for those doubts.... gone. It was the most wonderful, amazing feeling of peace.
Even the most ardent believer still possesses some degree, some moments of doubt. I believe that these are natural to human beings, not dangerous, just bumps. God will allow these to be smoothed over and we will continue our journey toward Jesus.
So quiet down and listen. Does your heart actually want to respond to belief in the Lord and creator of the universe? Do you want to follow Him and have Him live within you? Are you ready to wait a bit for full belief.
Let it happen. It is the most precious and important decision you will even make, eternally.